How the Difficult Path Through Infertility Can Be Worth the Wait!
As the daughter AND granddaughter of twins, the thought never crossed my mind I would struggle to have children. In fact, growing up I always dreamed I would carry on the family tradition of having twins myself. So, you can imagine my surprise and disappointment when it came time for me and my husband to start a family, and month after month, NOTHING happened. No pink lines, no morning sickness, no excitement in figuring out how I was going to tell my family the “good news”. Being a mother was something I longed for, and my heart truly ached. Even though I knew others struggle with infertility much longer than I did, the disappointment and heartache that come with it are something I would not wish on my worst enemy. To make matters worse, everyone around me seemed to be getting pregnant. During those years of us trying to start a family, I remember attending a TRIPLE baby shower because three of my work friends were pregnant. It seemed I repeatedly watched women (both friends and family) announce their good news and start planning their new life of motherhood, all while I struggled with the feelings of guilt, frustration and confusion. I was constantly praying that if it wasn’t in the cards for me to be a mother, the desire be taken away.
After two years of trying to get pregnant and some mild procedures and treatments to help make it happen, it was time to see a fertility specialist. My husband and I had our initial appointment, and it was time to start making some big decisions. But at that time, I was mentally exhausted. I wasn’t sure how much longer I could ride on this monthly (if not daily) emotional roller coaster. I truly felt I was at my limit. That is when I once again turned to my faith. It was an early morning in January when I woke up feeling angry and desperate for peace. That morning God led me to the Bible story of Abraham and Sarah in which God promises Sarah she would have a son in a year’s time, despite her age. In the story, Sarah laughs at God and He replies, “Is there anything too hard for the Lord?” That moment is when my attitude changed. I finally realized I wasn’t in control. I had an overwhelming peace and sense of hope come over me. Two weeks later, we found out I was finally pregnant. And to prove God has a sense of humor, six months after my daughter Tinsley Faith was born, we found out I was pregnant again. We are now the proud parents of a daughter and son who are only 15 months apart.
I share my story because I hope it gives HOPE. I think we have all dreams and expectations about life and how things are “supposed” to happen. But what I have found out, as with most things in my life, when you trust in the bigger picture and know there is purpose in your journey (wherever it leads), ALL things can be used for good. And yes, even the pain of infertility can be worth the wait.